If you live in America, December is the month in which absolutely nothing of any worth comes out. Where you have multiple weeks of the month which pretty much consist of f*ck all getting released, here in the UK we are up to our eyeballs in new flicks to see! Yes, a lot of them are just movies that were released in America months ago that have finally gotten around to getting a UK release but, again, at least we get a choice in what to see!
Anyways; this week sees the long-awaited return of In Bruges director Martin McDonagh, Wu-Tang Clan’s RZA directing a martial arts epic with Russell Crowe in a role (sadly the closest we will ever get to seeing Russell Crowe’s Fightin’ Around The World getting made), Parks & Recreation’s Rashida Jones aiming directly for those of us lonely sods who aren’t going to experience the love of the opposite gender this Christmas, and we have another classic Christmas movie getting a re-release because money.
Shall we dive in to the full-ish list, then?
1] Seven Psychopaths
From the director of In Bruges. From the director of In Bruges. Explain to me why you haven’t ordered your tickets already? The only two excuses that I will accept are that you’re that you didn’t like In Bruges, in which case I don’t even want to be associated with you, or that you’re instead off to go and see this next movie…
2] The Man With The Iron Fists
Based on the trailer (and, by the way, the trailer is awesome, watch it above you), this will either be amazingly trashy fun or a complete and utter disaster. I do have some faith in RZA’s sheer excitement and love of Hong Kong action movies and Asian cinema pulling him through, however. In any case, let’s hope that he’s less Madonna and more Gore Verbinski. (Bet you didn’t know that! You learn something new every day…)
3] So Undercover
Hey, did you know that Miley Cyrus had a new movie out? No, neither did I until I got my view-times email from my local VUE and found out that they were stocking this and not The Man With The Iron Fists. I was in a seriously pissy mood for the rest of the day after reading that, lemme tell ya. On topic, this is going straight-to-DVD in America which just screams quality…
4] The Oranges
You know, I was literally about to make a really bad tanning-based joke so that I could write off this movie without having to actually, you know, watch the trailer or anything. But then I saw the cast list: Hugh Laurie, Catherine Keener, Oliver Platt, Alia Shawkat, Allison Janney… Sh*t, this might actually be good. Hang on, I’m going to go watch the trailer for myself!
(Two and a half minutes later)
No, it isn’t.
5] Celeste And Jesse Forever
Rashida Jones and Andy Samberg star in this wonderfully depressing mope-a-thon about what happens in the aftermath of two life-long friends hooking up in a relationship before ending it on seemingly mutual terms. It’s gotten good reviews from America (where it came out in the Summer) and it’s pretty much the perfect Andy Samberg antidote after he almost tanked his movie career right out of the gate with the excretable Adam Sandler-starring That’s My Boy. One to go see, then, if you can.
6] Gremlins (Re-Release)
There is no particularly special reason for this re-release; the 30th anniversary isn’t for another two years. The logic behind this seems to be, “It’s Christmas. This movie is set at Christmas. Ergo, profit!” Nevertheless, Gremlins is still a great flick so if, for some reason, you don’t already own it on DVD and watching Channel 5 gives you some kind of horrible rash, then you could do a lot worse than going and seeing it again.
Also, this got me thinking: What is your favourite Christmas movie? Mine, personally, is Die Hard because I’m a guy. Why don’t you let us know what yours are in the comments below? Bear in mind, however, that if you say either of the Nativity! movies then you are banned from visiting our site.
Let us know what films you’re planning on seeing in the comments!
Callum Petch can’t get enough space!